Do Lawyers Exist to Create More Lawyers?
Probably
I was reading a bunch of legalese in a contract recently and I was struck by the ridiculousness of it all. The entire first page of the contract is a bunch of definitions of words that no sane person would argue about, which I guess leaves the argumentation to the lawyers. They’re making clear I know who “I” am and who the “Company” is. Then they follow with definitions that are more obscure than the original word. I’m curious, has anyone actually disputed these terms? Or was it that a lawyer managed to convince his lawyer friends that potentially someone could potentially dispute these words. So they have to layer on pages of unreadable legalese just in case. This has the effect of, funnily enough, creating a whole lot more demand for companies to hire lawyers to wade through all the legalese that they put in there. Does a simple agreement have to be 30 pages, or do they intentionally make it more complex than it needs to be to justify themselves? I don’t believe it’s truly intentional, but I think it’s worth pointing out where their incentives align them - towards more legal garbage.
Why do jars of nuts need to be labeled as “containing nuts”? Has this ever helped stop someone who’s allergic from ingesting one? My guess is “no”. My guess is some lawyer proposed it and their lawyer friends realized it would create more demand for lawyers, so they went with it. But doesn’t it make the world a better place? I don’t think so.
Oh a related note, I have a conspiracy theory I’d like to share. Sometimes I’ll see a sign, like a “No Trespassing” sign, with the word “POSTED” written really big at the top. I think there’s an assumption that that word must be there for a reason. Maybe that someone, somewhere, claimed a No Trespassing sign wasn’t valid because it wasn’t officially “Posted”. So then they had to write the word “Posted” on all the signs. So now, to make a sign legally binding, you have to put the work “Posted” on it in big letters. But here’s my conspiracy. It’s that that never happened. Sign sellers just started writing “POSTED” on their signs, hoping that people would assume it means something. “I have a bunch of signs, but none of them say ‘Posted’. I better get some new signs with the word ‘POSTED’ on them so they’re valid.” Disclaimer: As a proper conspiracy theorist, I have put no effort into falsifying this claim. I could probably Google it, but where’s the fun in that?
